Typical....

I decided when I woke up this morning that I am not going to the gym today and I am not going to feel guilty about it.

My plan was to take Zachary to kindergarten and then come home with Emilie and Luke to work around the house. My two lofty goals were to complete (wash, dry, fold and put away) two loads of laundry and vacuum the entire house.

It is my belief that children (at least, my children) were put here to thwart my plans.

The second we walk in the door, Emilie wants to change her clothes. She takes off her warm leggings and long-sleeved shirt in favor of a sheer, pink ballet skirt thingie and a tiny white camisole.

I can't stand when she does this because she has to change back into normal clothes when it is time to go get Zachary.....which is only a few short hours away.

I plug in the vacuum. She comes to get me, "Mom, my door is locked." Yep, it sure is. I get the screw driver out of the garage to take the door knob off. I am mad. This is not on my to-do list. The door knob won't come off.....it is hanging by the screws. My friend calls and advises me to use a paper clip to unlock the door. It doesn't work. My sister calls and says to use a bobby pin. It doesn't work. I call Matt for advice. I hear him answer his phone - meaning, I hear people talking in the background. Then I hear, "click" and then silence. Ok, I guess he will be of no help to me.

I decide to give up and worry about it later. Back to vacuuming.

The noise scares Luke (or so I think) and he hides under the kitchen table. Moments later, I think, "What stinks?" It is then I notice Luke pulling his pants and underwear off. "I go poop," he tells me. Great....

I take him to his little potty where he finishes the job and then clean him up.

I walk in the direction of the vacuum cleaner....."Mom....." WHAT????? Now, they are hungry. Can they have gum? No. A mint? No. Milk? Yes.

I go out to the garage to put one load of laundry in the dryer. My plans to start the 'darks' are interrupted by the clothes that Luke was wearing when he had his accident. I decide to wash those separtely before I start what was intended to be my 'second load.'

As I go back to the living room to finish vacuuming, Matt calls. I tell him the problem. He tries to help me over the phone - to no avail. He is shocked when I scream at Emilie and Luke "Shush! Be quiet! Just get out of here!" He laughingly tells his coworker that his wife is screaming at the kids. Oh yes, isn't it funny when you are not the one dealing with them.....

He gives up on me and tells me to just "dress Emilie in Zachary's clothes." What about nap time? What about time outs? What about "just go play in your room!" I need her door OPEN! I need her room to be AVAILABLE.

I figure out that if I take Zachary's door knob off, I can use it to open Emilie's door (yes, I did mangage to get her door knob off - but still could not get the door to open). So, now I have screws and door knobs scattered about and Luke thinks he is Handy Manny and wants to play with everything.

I open Emilie's door. I put Zachary's door knob back on. But now I cannot get Emilie's door knob to line up correctly to put the screws back in. Forget it! I gather the screws and knobs and put everything on the kitchen counter for Matt to deal with tonight.

I realize that if anyone shuts Emilie's door, I will have to take Zachary's door knob off again in order to open it. I instruct Luke and Emilie not to shut the door. Yeah, right. I am counting the minutes until I will be kneeling in front of her door to remedy the problem.....again.

The laundry is not done. It sits wrinkled in the dryer. The house is not vacuumed....except for about one-fourth of the living room.

It is time to go get Zachary.

Typical.